Once again, Shorty insisted I join him for a repeat of our trip in ’14…Oh God No!
I will not go down that road again.
SHORTY: Don’t worry, folks. The first draft of this was mostly lies. I’ve edited it for clarity and accuracy.
I went over my finances (remember, I’m still out of work) and decided I need a break from applying for work and being denied. Little did I know, a sinus issue would push me to my limits.
I medicated myself heavily. Plenty of Vitamin C and good eats. After I found the right combination of drugs, I was on my way to being 100%. However, I knew that I would have to pace myself and Shorty wasn’t going to allow me to go at grandpa speed. He was going to push this old, old, old man to his limits.
Reservations were made at The Iron Room.
Once I arrived at Shorty’s crib, he was hell bent on leaving. His eyes were dilated a slight wrinkle to his brow and a bit of a smirk. His face read anxiety, and this wasn’t normal. So we got on the road and little Mario Andretti sped around the Capital Beltway. He discussed his current work situation and it appeared he was going to be in the same ranks as I was. This would explain his demeanor (I have been binge watching Lie To Me on The Netflix; that explains my details of his big ole head.)
SHORTY: I always obey the rules of the road. Perhaps I sped a little, but only because Coop was coughing, sniffing, and gagging the entire trip.
He bitched at me about the sinus issue and kept saying; “only old people get sinus problems.” Two and half hours of old bashing, I would rather be old than short like he is. What do you want to be when you grown little boy?
SHORTY: A cranky, old man like you?
I brought some nice Ashton 898 stogies with me. He invited me so he should enjoy the good stuff rather than the dime store variety he’s been burning. Maybe savor them after he wins the Junkies Poker Tournament.
Oh who am I kidding, he doesn’t have the patience to sit for 12 hours at poker table.
We made a pit stop once we got inside the New Jersey line. As we were getting closer to Atlantic City, he began to mellow a little. A calm had fallen across his face…give me 10 minutes I’ll have his bowels in an uproar in no time.
Then he said something that completely caught me off guard:
“You want to stop at this vineyard close to the interstate?”
Maybe there is hope for this Miller Lite swilling city boy after all.
SHORTY: I’m drinking a Miller Lite tallboy as I edit this manifest of lies.
Sharrott Winery was right outside of A.C. and they opened at 11, so we rolled in and it was time to broaden Shorty’s palate.
We were the first ones to taste…shocker! Their tasting options were simple, choose 6 for $8.00.
For myself, I chose Pinot Grigio, Vidal Blanc, Dry Rose´, Cabernet Franc, and their two red blends, Trio & Coeur d’Est. Shorty went the sweet route and I advised him to taste the Wicked, which is a Port-style. Of course, once he saw the Rose´ I was tasting, he had to sample that.
He did enjoy the Rose´…mind blowing.
Their Cabernet Franc was wonderful. Red fruit on the nose. Currant and cherry flavors on the palate with soft tannins and a hint of spice on the finish. If you’re not a red wine drinker, this would be a good wine to start evolving your palate.
As we got down to our last wines on the tasting, she let me sample the Port-style too. I explained to Shorty how this wine would go really well with a cigar. Deep rich color almost black as night. Fortified with brandy and intense flavors of black cherries. The hot alcohol finish is typical with Port-styles.
I didn’t turn him into a wino, but he’s open to tasting more down the road.
Just like last year, his agenda was to start drinking early. The Pic-a-Lilly Pub was first on the list and I knew this was going to be most entertaining. There were maybe 4 people enjoying the warm November temperatures and I’m convinced the guy sitting on the other side of the bar was at that same seat last year.
PBR Tallboys were ordered as well as the buffalo chicken egg rolls. I was still not feeling like drinking beer but Shorty had other plans. Another round was ordered and I pulled up my granny panties and knocked it back like a pro.
SHORTY: I remember a lot of complaining out of you, too. Despite the FREE FREE FREE room at Harrah’s I provided.
Now it was time to go and checked in. Some conference was in town and the check-in line was almost out the door. 30 minutes passed before we final were issued a room. This one wasn’t as nice as the suite from last year, but it will do.
After getting our bags delivered, we changed clothes and made our way to the Borgata for the evening’s festivities. We decided to grab dinner at one of the main restaurants and sandwiches and beverages were consumed and then it was time to head to the Gypsy Bar for the Junkies kick off party for their tournament.
SHORTY: I ordered a turkey reuben sandwich ($7) and was somehow charged $67 for it later. Apparently, they thought I left a $60 tip. This issue has since been resolved.
In the meantime, Shorty looked over the menu at the Iron Room. He wasn’t impressed so those reservations were canceled. I had a Plan B & C for tomorrow night!
Shorty had a plan, $3 Miller Lites were calling his name. I had another plan. I wasn’t going to have a repeat of last year and declined to enjoy the nectar from Kentucky. Instead, I chose screwdrivers. That was one way to get some Vitamin C. Then, Shorty changed his mind and ordered a Red Bull & Vodka. And proceeded to order 8 more.
I limited myself to 2 drinks as I sat back listened to the band and watched the crowd. Shorty was being the ultimate social butterfly.
SHORTY: I’m a man of the people.
And then I saw it…the mid-’80s suddenly came back to me and an old advertisement jingle began to play in my head.
“Weebles Wobble but they don’t fall down!”
Shorty looked like a pinball bouncing around the room. Tabs were paid and we made our way back to Harrah’s.
Since this was his rodeo, I allowed him to lead me out of the casino. I don’t remember getting on an elevator, but he is the pro when it comes to Atlantic City so I followed his lead. Literally I followed him to the 3rd floor of the Borgata looking for a cab.
After laughing for about 10 minutes, I pointed him in the right direction.
One good thing here, at least he didn’t insult the cab driver like he did after the Charm City Devils show in April. “Where the F@&$ is he going? We should have called a F@&$ing Uber!” Tsk, Tsk!
It was 1 a.m., and his original plan was to be up at 5 to go and observe the live broadcast of the Junkies at the B-bar. This is do-able, but in his current state maybe not.
SHORTY: Never underestimate me, son.
I had to escort him back to the room. Just like our Baltimore trip, I guided him to his bed and pushed him onto it and he was out!
An annoying alarm began to go off! He wasn’t kidding about wanting to be up at 5.
He stirred around for about 2 or 3 minutes and reset the alarm for 5:30. Bam! He was up, bitching about his head hurting and telling me to get my old ass out of bed and dressed.
I was interested in one thing…coffee and croissants. We made it to the Borgata and the B-bar and I found overpriced swill for coffee but the croissants were nice.
Then I saw it. Shorty had a drink in his hand. A shot…really for breakfast?
SHORTY: Yes, really. This ain’t Disney World, old man!
His plan was to buy the Junkies shots and drink with them. Only 2 joined in and before I knew it, the time had come to start playing poker.
I found a quiet, non-smoking area in the Borgata and began working on my blog posts for that week and I got a chapter written for my book. I met a few folks who were a part of the medical conference going on. These fine folks hooked me up with good coffee, water, and snacks. I did find a high-end wine bar, where I enjoyed an ’09 Grenache.
After having lunch at Tony Luke’s Cheese Steaks, I made my way back to our room for a short nap…don’t judge!
SHORTY: So, to recap: he didn’t get drunk the night before and yet he had to take a nap in the middle of the day in Atlantic City. Not a good look.
Texts were coming in and Shorty busted out of the Junkies Poker Open around 3 ,p.m. so he lasted 5 hours. Not bad but next year you’ll be there for the duration and win this bitch! The tournament ended at 2 a.m., so Shorty needs to work on his game.
Hungover and needing to rest, he rolled into the room got his swimming trunks on and headed to the Harrah’s pool area and the hot tubs. I found a decent glass of wine and waited for him to return. During this time, I did my research and made our plans for the evening. Va. Tech was playing football that night and there was talk about going to Hooters to watch.
SHORTY: Actually, he sat at a table next to the hot tub and refused to enjoy the 104-degree water. Why? I have no idea. I guess he doesn’t like good things.
He waddled back in the room, put on his big boy pants and off we went to dinner at Angelo’s Fairmount Tavern. This establishment has been open for 80 years, and it looked like it. The décor looked straight out of the Godfather era.
For some reason, Shorty wasn’t having a drink with dinner. Sissy!
I opted for a Chilean Malbec to go with my meal, Steak Maryland (New York Sirloin with Jumbo Lump Crab and Bleu Cheese and Gorgonzola).
Just rich goodness!
This was one of the best streaks I’ve ever had. Shorty also got a steak with a salad. He wasn’t feeling up to par so when I suggested Hooters, he wanted to go back to the room.
And he gives me crap about being old!
The next morning, we loaded up and headed over to Gilchrist Restaurant and Marina. I got a short stack and sausage while Shorty got his usual crab and spinach omelet.
SHORTY: If you go to Atlantic City and don’t eat breakfast here, you are an alien.
He was rather quiet on the trip home, but I was able to coax him into enjoying a beer for lunch at The Tilted Kilt. It seems like this trip will always end at the Tilted Kilt. It’s not a bad thing y’all!
SHORTY: Also of note, we had the same bartender as we had last year on our return home. She was not unattractive.
We got back to Shorty’s, I loaded my car up with my bags, and got directions to Whole Foods in Fair Lakes, where I picked up a couple of the pizzas for the weekend.
Tish and I did get to visit a new brewery in the area, Escutcheon Brewery in Winchester. Great beer, and we have since been back several times.
My trip to A.C. was subdued, but Shorty showed his true colors and got drunker than 10 monkeys once again. With the new year, I still need to find work, but I know that Shorty has some plans down the road and until he reveals these trips, I’m going to be leery of his plans. He has good intentions until the the first drink is consumed and then its a free for all.
Hey Shorty…wanna Red Bull and Vodka?
SHORTY: Hell yes!
crazynvirginia 